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reheals:

Ice bucket challenge got me like

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When you do something embarrassing in front of people

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j5h:

me: aw yeah give it to me raw baby
guy: are u sure?
me: fuck yeah give it to me RAW
guy: i don’t want you to wake up with salmonella poisoning
me:
me:
me: okay give me the steak medium-well then
guy: alright have a nice night sir, enjoy your dinner

reinventingthekarmicwheel:

girl: i love you

me: welcome to the club

girl: *gets offended and walks away*

me: …u were the first member

like if u cried

aphmolossia:

people wHO SmiLE AT YO U WHEN U MAKE EYE  CONTACT WI HT THEM ARE MY FAVORITE KIND OF PEOPLE 

weedjoke420:

me: whatever. *makes a grilled cheese*

winterfellis:

you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like 1 month in the hospital